I have tried to be happy with my life,
I skip home from school singing,
I weave complicated conversations with
my teachers, I go to a church with a smile
plastered across my face and then she asked me to do something with her
and said “You do want to fit in, don’t you?” and at that
I started and realized I never wanted
to fit in, I wanted to be outside,
break the boundaries.
I shuddered at the thought
of blending in, screamed “Fight the Power!”
to myself, try, try to break free of their
small world perceptions,
decide to cut my hair
keep myself above their views
(so I reassure myself) and cringe
when someone says gay for stupid.
I critique how they do things,
refuse to put up with the blend of church
and state and withdraw from their
shallow world, comparing my school to theirs,
being the general new girl nightmare
and laughing at their closed society where
I cannot be entirely free.